The following, I’m told, is an excerpt from the Politician’s Handbook, which is currently being used by both political parties on Capitol Hill. I just wanted to give you a heads-up on who you’ll be running against.

How to get elected to Congress in 5 easy steps (a guide for self-serving career politicians):

1. Just watch what you say. Be very careful not to offend the illegals, the unions, big business, small business, the unemployed, gays, Muslims, Christians, Atheists, those for abortion, those against abortion; basically anyone whose vote you might lose. And don’t go against your own party or the special interest groups that are helping you get elected.
2. Talk about reducing unemployment, lowering the price of gasoline, increasing Social Security and all of the other entitlement program benefits, protecting us from terrorists, fixing the illegal immigration problems, free college, free phones, free this and free that, and so on, and so on.
3. Don’t worry. You don’t really have to come up with a definitive plan about anything.
4. Once elected, just talk about the mess you inherited and how you could fix things, but the other party has now become the party of “NO”. Again, don’t worry. The party leaders will keep the American people distracted by fighting over who’s right and who’s wrong, and about this and that.
5. And finally, don’t forget to find a way to repay everyone for their kindness (pay for play). That’s it in a nutshell. Sit back and enjoy the ride. The American people are way too dumb to know what’s happening. After all, if they let you and your predecessors run up a tax debt on them to the tune of over $22 trillion, and haven’t fired or prosecuted anyone yet, they’ll let you get away with anything, right?